A Routine Stop
by FlawedVictori
Summary: LifeofCrime AU. 'The cop's eyes widened. "Is that a rocket launcher?" Blake smiled. "Of course not. It shoots rocket-propelled grenades. Huge difference." Yang nodded solemnly.' In which Blake and Yang make their way out of a traffic stop the only way they know how.


**The Use of Rhetoric to Obscure a Lack of Making Any Fucking Sense**

 _ **A/N:Another little piece for the LifeofCrime! AU cause I couldn't stop giggling at the idea when I wrote the last one. It's, uh... pretty fucking stupid.**_

 _ **Also, I need opinions; should I keep up this format, or switch to a single 'fic' that's actually a collection of the oneshots? Be sure to let me know. Also also I might've fudged a few law details here and there to make this funnier.**_

Yang slumped in her seat and sighed. "I'm bored."

Blake flicked on her turn signal, shifted lanes, and sped up slightly.

"Blake..." Yang said plaintively, pouting. "Pay attention to me."

Blake sighed. "Yang, you're a grown woman. Aren't you even a bit embarrassed to say something like that?"

Yang stuck out her tongue. "Nope."

She was really starting to regret bringing the blonde along to buy their next burner vehicle. It was going to be a three hour drive there and back, though it seemed like a reasonably good car for their purposes.

Of course, there was every chance that the car would be a piece of shit, which was just the risk you took when you bought stuff off Craigslist.

"Blaaaake..." Yang whined.

If this asshole was lying and she had to share the car with Yang on the way home too, she was going to murder him.

She sighed. "Yes, Yang?"

The blonde flashed her a smile. "I'm bored."

She took a deep breath. "You mentioned that."

"You want road head?" She waggled her eyebrows and blew her a kiss.

Blake coughed and reddened slightly. Yang's grin took on a lewder cast.

Even after years of... whatever it was the four of them were doing, it was still hard to deal with the blonde choosing to focus on her.

She could handle Ruby and Weiss. But Yang... Yang's approaches had a certain... bluntness to such matters that got through her guard easily.

It didn't help that she was so irritatingly attractive.

She swallowed. "I uh... need to keep my eyes on the road. Sorry."

Yang pouted. "Aww. You could watch the road while I did it!" She reached over and ran a hand across Blake's thigh. "I mean, I'd prefer to look you in the eyes while I made you moan, but I can deal with it..."

Blake bit her lip.

"And I'd be nice and quiet. Course, you'd be making enough noise for the both of us." Yang sent her a cheeky grin, and moved her hand inward. "So, Blake? You want me to-"

Blue lights flashed in the rear view mirror, and a siren let out a single whoop.

Violet eyes widened. "Fuck! It's the straight police! I'm bi, I swear!"

Blake glared at her as she pulled over. "Shut up." She hissed.

The officer stepped out of his car, and started walking up to them

Yang just grinned wider. "Should I undo a few buttons? He might let us off with a warning."

Blake tried to emulate Weiss, setting her jaw firmly and sending the blonde her best glare

Yang was unimpressed. "He might let us go if we make out, Blakey. Wanna try?" She puckered up.

The officer tapped on the window, and Blake rolled it down as quick as she could.

She gave him a small smile. "Is something wrong, officer?"

The blond did a double take when he saw the two of them, and stammered out a response.

Unfortunately for him, it wasn't exactly a good one.

"You, uh... I? Do I know what you stopped for?" He blushed for a moment and looked away. "Ahem. Do you know what I pulled you over for?"

Blake could almost hear Yang's cheeks straining to contain the smirk she knew was there.

She took pity on him and gave him a wider, much warmer smile. "I don't, actually."

He swallowed. "Ah. Uhm, your inspection sticker."

Yang started chuckling beside her. Blake put in a truly herculean effort not to join her. "I'm sorry?"

"Right." He nodded. "Uh, your sticker is peeling off pretty bad. You need to get a replacement to make it easier to see."

Blake gave a little chuckle, batting her eyelashes. She might not be the flirty type, but she was eager to get out of this as soon as possible before Yang pissed him off and the trip was lengthened more than it had to be. "Oh, I'll make sure to get a replacement,officer. Is that all?"

He gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry, not, uh... not quite. I need to see your license and registration. Protocol, you know?"

Blake gave a small pout and chuckled inwardly at the indecision that appeared in his eyes. "Aw..."

"Uhh... sorry, but it's, y'know. Protocol." He mumbled, looking away.

She sighed theatrically."I think we're going to be late if this takes much longer..."

He swallowed, and Blake felt her spirits rise. He was clearly being worn down.

This was actually pretty _fun_ , she could see why Yang enjoyed it so much.

"Uh... Well, I wouldn't want to make you guys late to... uh, whatever, but I kind of do need to see your license and everything... Uh, how about this? If it all looks okay, I'll just let you guys go on, no real need to run it through the system or anything. Okay?" He asked, smiling.

Blake gave him a grateful smile, and let her voice break it's usual even tone, injecting a good bit of happiness into it. "Oh, thank you so much!" She reached down for her purse.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Yang's lips tightening.

He sent her a warm smile. "Hey, it's no problem. Protect and serve, you know? Where are two beauties like you off to at this time of day, anyway?"

Blake heard Yang's little sniff, and felt the larger girl's hand wrap around her own.

She winced internally. Now was really not the time for the blonde to show her jealous streak.

"We're headed to my ultrasound." The blonde flashed a wide smile. "We're expecting."

Blake nearly choked.

The officer did choke, blue eyes widening to an almost absurd degree as he struck his chest a few times.

Blake glared at Yang as a self-satisfied smirk crept across the blonde's face.

The officer recovered quickly, though he was still avoiding their eyes., "Right! Uh, Can I see your license, please?"

"Of course." She pulled the license she felt would work best from her wallet and handed it to the blond. She sent him a small smile, and Yang's hand tightened almost imperceptibly on hers.

He looked at it for a moment, then handed it back. "Alright, that seems alright. Can I see your registration, Miss Solumbra?"

She crowed inwardly. "It's _Mrs_. Solumbra, actually. Babe, can you grab me the registration?

Yang's hand loosened, and she looked away to hide the slight redness on her cheeks. "R-right." She reached for the glove box, and Blake gave a sharp tug on her hand to stop her.

Yang didn't get the message, opening the glove box and letting out a curse as it's contents fell out.

Including Blake's favorite pistol.

For a second, they all stared at the mess, and then the cop had his tazer out, pointing it at Yang.

For a tense moment, no one said anything.

"I have a concealed carry permit." Blake said, and resisted the urge to put her face in her hands.

He cleared his throat. "You know, the smart thing to do would be to warn an officer there's a gun in the car. I'm going to need you to put that on the dash, slowly. Okay?"

Yang obeyed, then leaned back in her seat.

Blake shot Yang a look. The blonde looked vaguely apologetic, but nodded. "Right, I'm sorry. I do have a permit, though."

He nodded. "Right. Is there anything else in the car you'd like to tell me about?"

An idea struck Blake, and she had to keep from grinning. "Well, I have another gun in the back floorboard."

He leaned that way to look. "Is that a rocket launcher?" He squeaked, visibly going pale.

Blake shook her head. "That doesn't shoot rockets. It shoots rocket-propelled grenades. Huge difference."

Yang nodded solemnly.

He squeaked again for a moment, then seemed to realize they didn't speak mouse. "Why... why do you have a rocket-propelled grenade launcher in your car?"

Blake frowned. "See, that's not quite right either."

The officer sputtered for a moment. "Why do you... Why?"

Blake smiled at him. Then she started talking as fast as she could, making it up as she went along. "Well, I'm a collector of classic weaponry. That's a replica of a 1964 Mistralian Red, with the optional wood finish. Of course, we had to take out all the parts that could actually fire anything, but it still maintains the original weight, with the extra bits we've added to the inside. Would you like to see it?"

He blinked. "A red what?"

"A Mistralian Red! It was the first weapons sold commercially in this country to receive a ban within ten days, a new record, which broke that of the Tudor line of sniper rifles with optional scythed bayonets. They never sold that well, though. Something about horrific recoil, but I'm hoping to acquire one of those to hang on the wall in the living room soon."

He nodded, his eyes glazing over slightly. "Right, but... I need..."

"Oh, do you need to check it to make sure it's not real? I understand. Do you mind if I'm the one to handle it, though?" She opened her door slightly, and he turned towards her.

"Wait, you need to stay in the ca-"

Blake kicked the door out, hitting him with it as hard as she could. She heard a sickening crack, and his leg bent the wrong way.

He screamed as he fell, and Blake threw the car into gear, speeding off.

Neither she nor Yang said anything for a few tense moments, until she'd pulled into a mall's crowded parking lot, finding her a space between two nondescript vehicles and reversing into it, hiding her license plate from view.

Blake sighed, placing her head in her hands. "That was close."

She turned to Yang, the blonde smiling widely. "That was ridiculous."

Blake smiled weakly. "Yeah, it was kinda weird, huh?"

Yang pulled her close. "You told a cop that your _obviously_ metal, obviously _real_ launcher was a replica of a model that _doesn't exist._ With a wood finish. And I'm pretty sure you switched from it being a replica to it being a real one we gutted halfway through. And he _fell_ for it." She sent Blake a sly smile. It was _awesome_."

Blake bit her lip to restrain the grin. "Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cll Weiss and get her to pick us up, because now we can't use this car anymore."

Yang scratched the back of her head. "Sorry."

Blake sighed. "It's fine."

/

The phone rang nearly six times before Weiss picked up, sounding slightly breathless. "Blake? How's the car?" A constant buzzing played from her line.

Blake sighed. "We didn't make it there. A cop stopped us, and, uh... saw the launcher. We got away, but we're pretty sure he got our plates down. We need you to come get us. I got us to a mall, it's pretty crowded. We're gonna have to leave the car behind."

Yang mouthed 'I love you' to her.

Weiss relayed the story to Ruby, and Blake's pretty sure she can hear the younger girl complaining. The buzzing seemed to get louder.

"Okay, I guess we'll be there soon."

Blake sighed. "Thanks. And what's that buzzing?"

The buzzing immediately stopped. "Oh, u... we're outside. And theres some bees?"

"It's winter."

Weiss' voice took on a distinctly haughty tone. "Well, let me just tell the bees, then."

Blake rolled her eyes. "I can hear the tv, too."

"Uh... Ruby, no! You're not driving. Sorry Blake, I gotta sort this out."

Ruby asked Weiss what she was talking about, and Weiss hissed at her to shut up, then the call ended.

Blake sighed, and Yang pulled her closer. "I'm sorry..."

She glared at the blonde.

"I'll buy you a new car, I promise."

Blake closed her eyes and rested her head against the blonde's shoulder. "Just... let me rest my eyes for a bit, okay?"

"Okay..." The blonde pressed her lips to the closest part of Blake she could reach. "Love you."

Blake sighed. "Love you too."

 **/Omake 1:Why Blake Does The Talking. OR Dude I'm Fuckin Weird, Okay?/**

Yang grinned as the officer sputtered. "Son, lemme ask you a question." She leaned closer to him, allowing him a good view of her cleavage. For the first time since she'd known Yang, an apparently straight man didn't look once. "How much do you know about..." She looked back and forth conspiratorially. "The greatest threat to our way of life right now?" She whispered. "You know, the..." She waved him closer.

He actually leaned in close. Blake resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"The annunaki."

He blinked. "The what?"

Yang let out a relieved sigh, and sent Blake a grin. "I was hoping you'd say that. See, if you'd known, you'd have to be one of them."

Blake nodded. "We three, I'd say we're some of the only ones left who haven't been corrupted."

"C-corrupted?!" The blond's eyes were wide as saucers.

Yang nodded. "Yeah, corrupted. They take you, and switch out your fluids with some of theirs. Before you know it, you're forced to obey their wishes, turning on any and all of your former friends until they suffer the same fate."

He swallowed. "And then what? What do they want?"

Yang bit her lip. "Can we trust you?"

He nodded. "Of course!"

Yang sighed, then turned to Blake. "I'm not sure, babe. What do you think?"

Blake looked him up and down. "I'd say he seems trust-worthy."

Yang leaned forward further. "They're after..." She swallowed, widening her eyes and making herself look as vulnerable as possible. "My tits."

He blinked. "Your..."

Blake nodded. "They're the only thing that can power...uh... Fuck!"

Yang laughed, throwing her hands up "Oh yeah! _Suck it, Belladonna!_ " I'm the queen of bullshitting!"

Blake pouted and the officer blinked. "Wait... wha-"

Blake opened the door as hard as she could into his face, knocking him flat.

Then she threw the car into gear and sped off.

"Annunaki..." Jaune said as he passed out.


End file.
